


My Big Gay Cruise (Drabble Series)

by tardisjournal



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Community: fan_flashworks, Community: tw100, Cranky!Owen, Drabble, Drabble Collection, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Gen, Humor, M/M, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-06
Updated: 2014-07-03
Packaged: 2018-02-03 07:41:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1736681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tardisjournal/pseuds/tardisjournal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ianto and Owen go undercover as a married couple on a gay cruise. What could possibly go wrong?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Seeds of Doubt

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Odd Couple](https://archiveofourown.org/works/695394) by [tardisjournal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tardisjournal/pseuds/tardisjournal). 



> How and why this unlikely duo ended up on a gay cruise in the first place is explained in "The Odd Couple". You don't need to read that to understand this. But if you like winding up Owen and sending him barreling into Ianto's direction just to see what happens, you'll probably want to. ;)
> 
> This is a sequel of sorts to "The Odd Couple". That story originally intended to be a one-shot, but I got so many requests for a sequel (thank you, all!) that I started playing around with ideas in drabble form last year. A recent conversation with ChenelleNadadith here on AO3 reminded me I never posted them here. I think I was waiting until I had more, but inspiration with this story has always been fickle. So here's what I have so far. If the goddesses of fanfiction smile upon us, there might be more.

Ianto inserted his keycard and the door _snicked_ open. He wrestled his suitcase inside, then turned, gasped—and sank to the bed in shock.

Owen barreled in. “Oi! You don't get to swan in here and claim the bed. We should at least flip a coin.”

“You can have it,” Ianto mumbled through his hands.

“Glad you're being reasonable for once! So where's the rest of the room? Through that door?”

“No, that's a...”

“Fucking wardrobe!” Owen raged. “And it's barely big enough for my shoes. I thought you booked a deluxe cabin!”

“This _is_ the deluxe,” Ianto said mournfully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for the tw100 "300" challenge. Prompts used: Swan, deception.


	2. Seeing Red

“Deluxe cabin my arse!” Owen sputtered.

“It's got the same layout, the same décor as in the photos. See the purple curtains and pillows? It's just... a bit smaller than I expected,” Ianto explained.

“A bit!”

“I will confess it looked roomier in the brochure.”

“Didn't you read the specs?”

“Actually, no. It's the largest they had. What would have been the point?”

“The point is, we could have booked two rooms, and not have to share something that makes a coffin look spacious!”

Ianto narrowed his eyes. “Want to find out how spacious a coffin is? Keep it up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for the tw100 "300" challenge. Prompts used: Purple, curtain.


	3. At Sea

As the ship cruised away from London, a glittering array of stars appeared overheard, more than Ianto had ever seen. His attention was focused elsewhere, however.

“I think we're being watched,” he whispered. “That stateroom curtain keeps twitching.”

Owen, crouched on the deck running scans on the hold, didn't look up.

“No surprise there. We've been cruised since the minute we set foot on this cruise.”

“This feels different. Hurry up.”

“Hold on, I'm nearly done.”

“Someone's coming!”

“Distract them then!”

Two men approached, holding hands. Ianto thought frantically, then scooped Owen into a bone-crunching hug and kissed him, passionately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for the tw100 "300" challenge. Prompts used: Curtain, firmament.


	4. Sea of Love

One of men, clad in leather shorts and biker boots, caught Ianto's eye and winked.

When the pair was out of sight, Owen and Ianto shoved themselves apart. Owen frantically wiped his mouth while Ianto brushed down his tan jacket.

“What the hell was that?” Owen demanded.

“You looked suspicious. We had to blend in.”

“You kiss like an octopus Thought you were going to suck my face off."

“Kissed many octopuses, have you?”

Owen glared, then sighed. “How long until we get home?”

“Thirteen days, 21 hours, and 54 minutes.”

“It's going to be a bloody long trip.”

“Indeed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for the tw100 "300" challenge. Prompts used: Leather, deception.


	5. Seesaw

“Owen, you've got to spread your legs wider, or this isn't going to work.”  
  
"The human body wasn't meant to go into this position. It's unnatural!"  
  
"Just focus on your breathing. It will help you relax.”  
  
"I don't need any help relaxing!”  
  
"Says the man who is red in the face and as tense as a coiled spring.”  
  
"That's because you're pulling too hard!”  
  
"Look, it was either Couple's Yoga or Parasailing this morning, and _someone_ is afraid of heights. So yoga it is. Let's try it again. And Owen?"  
  
"What!”  
  
"Cursing under your breath does not count as exhaling.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to CIDERWOLFS who suggested that the boys attend different activities, including yoga. That made me think of couple's yoga, which involves getting into some up-close-and-personal positions with your partner, and knew Ianto and Owen had to try it. :-p
> 
> Written for the fan_flashworks challenge "Monsters" and the tw100 _How I Met Your Mother_ reverse fandom challenge "World's Best Couple".


	6. Sea Change

Owen stirred, then groaned.  
  
"Ugh, I feel like death warmed over. No more Couple's Yoga, ever again!”  
  
Beside him, Ianto sat up, then wished he hadn't as the room swung in a dizzying arc. He closed his eyes, then, cautiously, opened them again.  
  
"Owen, I think we have worse problems,” he said quietly. “What's the last thing you remember?”  
  
"You, twisting me into a goddamn pretzel!”  
  
"Me too. But the class ended at 10:00. It's 11:15. What have we been doing? And more importantly, where are we?"  
  
Owen peered about and groaned again. “I have no fucking idea.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for the fan_flashworks amnesty challenge "The Lost Hour" and the tw100 How I Met Your Mother reverse fandom challenge: "The Time Travelers".


End file.
